What do car wrecks, topless girls, Vietnamese restaurants, and sharks all have in common? The answer is pretty intuitive if you don’t dwell on it very long. They were all part of our Florida vacation, of course. Read on if you have a minute for all of the noodle slurping, death defying details. Pay attention as there might be a pop quiz at the end.
You remember of course my bellyaching about last year’s vacation. The 4th of July in Destin, Fl. amid hordes of tourists, foreigners, drunk partying college kids, and fat Canadian businessmen. I wanted quiet beaches, a few seagulls, and the occasional banner towing airplane. Naturally I endured the total opposite. Destin was crowded and locked down into a traffic jam the entire time. On our way to a flea market last year, we passed through a dumpy little outskirts town called Navarre. It was the sort of run down, destitute, poor Florida town I had been dreaming of. I mentioned to the wife that we ought to spend our next vacation there away from the upscale tinsel town that Destin has transformed into.
So in February I went to work planning our getaway. I picked out a nice hotel and booked it for 5 days several months in advance. In retrospect, this was an uncharacteristically smart move on my part. The rates went crazy in July and the hotel clerk told me he had to turn away 30 people one night. Apparently, every hotel on the beach was full. I missed out on an opportunity to heckle another hotel guest who was complaining about the high price of her stay to the clerk. Better luck next time.
We found the place easy enough and enjoyed the ride down below Montgomery (after lunch at “Chinatown”) since it was all 2 lane country roads. There was no plan for what to do other than enjoy the beach. That was a slight problem because our beach front hotel didn’t really have a beach to speak of. It was about 10’ wide and 400’ long and faced an inlet. There had to be something better. I asked Kathy to find out what the spit of land on the other side of the inlet was. It looked like another beach. She asked a 12 year old kid running a wave runner concession and the kid told her it was an air force base. We rode over there the next morning and found it to be the beach we had hoped for. Stupid kid. Anyway, the beach was nearly empty that morning so we settled down with our toes in the sand and enjoyed the quiet surf. And that is about all we really did the entire time except for hitting the flea market and eating out twice a day. But what about the car wrecks, topless girls, Vietnamese restaurants, and sharks? Be patient, I’m getting to it.
Topless girls!
Okay, not girls, but girl. MY girl. Kathy had a little wardrobe malfunction while we were out in the surf one day. The wave came crashing over us (the waves were very rough all week) we jumped up, but her bikini top didn’t. She’s standing there, wiping the salt water out of her eyes, and her top was hanging down around her belly. The funny thing was that she didn’t even notice. I finally told her that her tits were hanging out and she quickly put them up. No one else noticed but me and the 450 or so people on the beach she was facing. She’s prone to this sort of accident. Years ago when she took swimming lessons, the same thing happened only it was her little brother and the swimming instructor who were watching. Speaking of bikinis, the first one she tried on was way too skimpy. She was all ready to prance out the door with it on but I told her that unless she was planning on auditioning to be a stripper she might want to opt for something a little more demure.
Car wrecks!
On the last night of our visit, we decided to walk across a long bridge to get to the fishing pier. The bridge was very busy and also narrow. Some clown tried to make a U-turn right in the middle of it and ended up smacking a pizza delivery guy in the rear. After that all traffic came to a dead standstill except for the two of us trucking along in the pedestrian lane. We came up on the scene and Kathy checked out everyone to make sure they were ok (required of Nurses by law). While she was interviewing the victims, I made inquiries to the pizza delivery guy about purchasing a slightly used pizza for a sizable discount but unfortunately it had already been delivered. After we left the accident scene we were asked about what was going on up ahead by every 3rd car or so in line. It was only fun for a little while until I realized it would take forever to get to the fishing pier if we had to explain the situation to so many people. I do admit to having just a little fun telling several of them how screwed they were until both vehicles were towed away by the as yet un-arrived tow trucks.
There were quite a few people fishing on the pier and catching some small ones but nothing really sizable. Interesting that I saw so many foreigners. I suspected they were going to eat whatever they caught. On the way back across the bridge we stopped at a local open-air bar for beer and fish tacos (for me). Kathy had to have a girlie drink but didn’t have enough of them to become interested in the fish tacos.
Sharks!
I saw a shark. We were in the water. We got the heck out of there fast. No, I didn’t see a dolphin, a shadow, or a mirage either so if you are going to tell me it was probably something else just click your heels together 3 times and say to yourself: “it really was a shark”. I’d say it was about 3’ to 4’ long.
Vietnamese Restaurant
The one day we went to Destin for a little shopping we got caught up in a bad traffic jam which is rapidly becoming what Destin is most widely known for. After shopping the chance of getting something to eat without waiting outside in line for 3 hours was getting slim. Kathy picked out a place with a “Pho” in the name of it somewhere so in desperation we headed to it. As soon as we walked in I realized that we were the only two white people in there. Undaunted, we sat down and listened to the incomprehensible jabbering of the regulars while we waited for our food. It was surprisingly good, too. Pretty different from the standard Chinese stuff I’m used to. However; Eastern folks have a different set of standards when it comes to eating, particularly when you talk noodles. They love to slurp. I doubt there is an American alive who doesn’t flinch when he accidentally slurps his own noodle soup for fear that his Mom heard him and is about to slap him upside his head. Apparently, it’s a form of appreciation for a really good noodle in other parts of the world. For me, it’s simply a good way to turn my stomach. They backed us up to a table of 4 noodle slurping Vietnamese in order to ensure that we got the full dining experience. In spite of the ambiance and background noises, the tea was wonderful since it was loose and not the horrible bagged kind so I’m game for a return visit. Next time I’m going back to show those guys who can be more obnoxious when he eats. Maybe I’ll start by putting a chop stick in each nostril just to psych them out. That ought to level the playing field somewhat.
Well, there’s another vacation in the books. 5 days of sun, surf, and sand with a splash of naked girls and noodles.
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